Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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