I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
