yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
