My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i have two assholes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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