so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
