chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
