Porn is love you can see.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
