I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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