I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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