Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
