So drunk its hurt
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
