yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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