so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
