Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
