I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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