My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
