i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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