actually, I'm a sock model
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
