SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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