just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
