seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
