Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
