he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
