Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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