I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
