The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
