I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
