I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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