You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
