Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
