I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
