She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
