My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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