Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
