I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
