Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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