You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i love accidental penises.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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