I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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