respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
