Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i came on her dog
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
