I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
