I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
