So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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