her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
