You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
