I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
