I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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