1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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