Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
