she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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