he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
