we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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