my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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