You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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