Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
