i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
