Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
