Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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