I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How naked do you want me to be?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
