i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
