Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
