I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
