I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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