So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
