Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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