I've blown a few things in my day
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
