he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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