yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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